Interpretations of nature from junior high,
high school, and college test papers and essays submitted to
science an health teachers (spelling errors
preserved)....
"When you breath,
you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"H2O is hot water,
and CO2 is cold water"
"To collect fumes
of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube"
"When you smell an
oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Water is composed
of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin
is gin and water."
"Three kinds of
blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
caterpillars."
"Blood flows down
one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is
composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."
"The moon is a
planet just like the earth, only it is even
deader."
"Artifical
insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of
the
bull."
"Dew is formed on
leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes
them
perspire."
"A super-saturated
solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always
grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas."
"The body consists
of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the
heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of
which
there
are five - a, e,
i, o, and u."
"The pistol of a
flower is its only protections agenst insects."
"The alimentary
canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is
what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have ben taken off. The
purpose of the
skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
"A permanent set
of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars,
and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a
fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the
moon, because there is no water
in the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight."
"A fossil is an
extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it
is."
"Germinate: To
become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of
young puppies."
"Magnet: Something
you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum: What
you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of
Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind
of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacumm: A large,
empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a
blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative."
"To remove dust
from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed:
Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart
stops."
"For drowning:
Climb on top of the person and move up and down to
make
artifical
perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub
the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above
the
hand instead. Or
put the head between the knees of the nearest
medical
doctor."
"For dog bite: put
the dog away for sevral days. If he has not
recovered,
then kill
it."
"For asphyxiation:
Apply artificial respiration until the patient is
dead."
"For head cold:
use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in
your
throat."
"To keep milk from
turning sour: Keep it in the
cow."
