These are from a book called
Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said
in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active
? WITNESS: No, I just lie
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact ?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all ?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect
your memory ?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget ? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot ? ___________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning ?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you
WITNESS: My name is Susan
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo ?
WITNESS: We do
ATTORNEY: You do ?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo ___________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't
it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
twenty-year-old, how old is he ?
WITNESS: Uh, he's
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
was taken ?
WITNESS: Are you kidding' me
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the
baby) was August 8th ?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right
ATTORNEY: How many were boys
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls
Are you shittin' me ? Your Honor, I think I need a different
Can I get a new attorney
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
terminated it ?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female
WITNESS: Guess. ___________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your
appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
have you performed on dead people ?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people. Would you like to rephrase that ? ___________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK
? What school did you go to ?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body ?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him ! ___________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that
question ? ___________________________________________________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse ?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless ?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.