16 Full service
stations now offer home-equity loans for SUV
15 Air for your
tires? 25 cents per minute. Air for breathing? 50 cents per
14 Ed Begley, Jr.'s
electric car found in the middle of the Mojave Desert with
"Charge THIS!" painted on the side.
13 They insist that
the new expensive secret additive is "love."
12 A fill-up comes
with your choice of a stick of butter, a plunger handle, or
the DVD of "Deliverance."
11 Shell's new
slogan: "Shell It Out, Baby!"
10 Who cares? We
Americans learned our lesson in the '70s and now drive only
small, gas-friendly econo-cars!
9 "Sorry, sir, but
the price of unleaded has gone up 15 cents per gallon since
you started filling up."
8 New pump nozzle
design is "ribbed for her pleasure."
7 In a marketing move cleverly designed to make gas prices
appear lower, Texaco announces a new unit of measure
known as "the thimble."
New Mobil ad: "Do greedy, unscrupulous bastards really fleece
helpless consumers? People do."
5 Shell, BP, and
Texaco announce a miraculous new fuel additive:
4 Instructions on
pump now read, "Bend Over, insert nozzle in
3 Tankers order to
purposely run ashore because executives "just wanted to hear
2 Petroleum fuel
prices: UP. Petroleum jelly prices: DOWN
1 That's no typo --
the sign says "Pay at the Pimp" and they mean it.