16 Signs Oil Companies
are Screwing Consumers!

16 Full service stations now offer home-equity loans for SUV owners.

15 Air for your tires? 25 cents per minute. Air for breathing? 50 cents per minute.

14 Ed Begley, Jr.'s electric car found in the middle of the Mojave Desert with "Charge THIS!" painted on the side.

13 They insist that the new expensive secret additive is "love."

12 A fill-up comes with your choice of a stick of butter, a plunger handle, or the DVD of "Deliverance."

11 Shell's new slogan: "Shell It Out, Baby!"

10 Who cares? We Americans learned our lesson in the '70s and now drive only small, gas-friendly econo-cars!

9 "Sorry, sir, but the price of unleaded has gone up 15 cents per gallon since you started filling up."

8 New pump nozzle design is "ribbed for her pleasure."

7 In a marketing move cleverly designed to make gas prices appear lower, Texaco announces a new unit of measure known as "the thimble."

6 New Mobil ad: "Do greedy, unscrupulous bastards really fleece helpless consumers? People do."

5 Shell, BP, and Texaco announce a miraculous new fuel additive: Collusionol

4 Instructions on pump now read, "Bend Over, insert nozzle in rectum."

3 Tankers order to purposely run ashore because executives "just wanted to hear the sound."

2 Petroleum fuel prices: UP. Petroleum jelly prices: DOWN

1 That's no typo -- the sign says "Pay at the Pimp" and they mean it.

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