What Professors Say and What They Really Mean
Whether you are a freshman or a 70 year old student for life,
I'm sure you will appreciate the truth to these words.

* This paper needs some minor revision.
I never actually got around to reading this.

* Not much is known about . . .
I don't know anything about .

* My office hours are by appointment only.
I like to get out of here early.

* Bring the text to class.
I don't have a clue how to lecture we'll just kill time with group readalongs.

* We'll be spending a fair amount of time on this important concept.
This was my dissertation topic.

* The tests will all be multiple choice.
I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.

* The final will be comprehensive.
I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

* This year I'll be scaling the grades.
I just passed tenure review.

* Well, that answer would be beyond the scope of this course.
I haven't a clue.

* You won't be able to sell the text back to the bookstore.
My contract wasn't renewed with the university

* Please note the last day to withdraw.
The midterm's gonna ruin you.

* Well, it was on the syllabus.
I'll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.

* Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade.
I'm so boring that no one would show up otherwise

* Let's go over the exam.
Half of you failed.

* Don't write on the question sheet.
I'm so lazy, I just use the same exams every lousy semester.

* This won't be on the test.
Nap time!

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