1.) Only a true Southerner knows
the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that
you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2.) Only a true Southerner knows
how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans,
etc. make up "a mess."
3.) Only a true Southerner can
show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
4.) Only a true Southerner knows
exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be
5.) All true Southerners, even
babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little
bowl on the middle of the table.
6.) All true Southerners know
exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but
they know the concept well.
7.) Only a true Southerner knows
instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor
who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a
real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)
8.) Only true Southerners grow
up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right
far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20.
9.) Only a true Southerner
both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a
good ol' boy, and po' white trash.(hint: a redneck don't need
milk, he drinks beer. A good ol' boy has a cow. White trash
not only has a cow, but gets emotionally involved with
10.) No true Southerner would
ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is
actually going to make a turn.
11.) A true Southerner knows
that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
12.) Only a true Southerner
knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a
descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or
something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you
13.) Only true Southerners make
friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do
"lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
14.) Put 100 true Southerners in
a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if
only by marriage.
15.) True Southerners never
refer to one person as "y'all."
16.) True Southerners know grits
come from corn and how to eat them.
17.) Every true Southerner knows
tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly
wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
18.) When you hear someone say,
"Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the
presence of a genuine Southerner!
19.) Only true Southerners say
"sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for
sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20.) And a true Southerner knows
you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30
MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go