When I was growing up, there were
two things that were unpopular in my house. One was me, and the
other was my guitar Bruce Springsteen
Old age isnít so bad when you consider the alternatives. Maurice
The secret of staying young is to live
honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age. Lucille Ball
I feel sorry for people who donít drink. They
wake up in the morning and thatís the best they are going to feel
all day. Frank
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I canít
remember if itís the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by
leaving early. Charles Lamb
Women prefer men who have something tender about them -
especially legal tender. Kay Ingram
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a
referee. David Frost
There are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire
someone, or forbid your kids to do it. Mona Crane
I wonít say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.
We used to write essays like ĎWhat Iím going to be if I grow up.í
Bessie Braddock to Winston Churchill: Winston, youíre
Churchill: Bessie, youíre ugly. But tomorrow I shall be
Itís better to be looked over than overlooked. Mae West
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
George Bernard Shaw
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought
half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Charlotte Whitton
I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. Zsa Zsa
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Iím not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the
nearest golf course. Groucho Marx
A good sermon should be like a womanís skirt: short enough to
rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. Ronald
Always be sincere, even if you donít mean it. Harry S. Truman
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society. Mark Twain
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is
just putting on its shoes. Mark Twain
When Iím good, Iím very, very good, but when Iím bad, Iím better.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. W.C.
Iíve had a wonderful evening - but this wasnít it. Groucho
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know
because Iíve done it thousands of times. Mark Twain
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I
was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in
a bed, but fine up against a wall. Eleanor Roosevelt
Itís not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on. Marilyn
Monroe, asked if she really had nothing on in a calendar
Chanel No. 5. Marilyn Monroe, asked what she wore in bed
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Lugestrategy? Lie flat and try not to die. Carmen Boyle Olympic
Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake
that, you have got it made.
There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
Either you have diarrhea, or youíre eager to meet
people who do.
Henry Kissenger former US Secretary of State
My girlfriend always laughs during sex no matter what sheís
reading. Steve Jobs Founder: Apple Computers
When the sun comes up, I have morals again. Elizabeth Taylor
Thereís very little advice in menís magazines,
because men think, I know what Iím doing. Just show me somebody
naked. Jerry Seinfield
Instead of getting married again, Iím going to
find some woman I really donít like and just give her a house. Rod