Despite the typical over analysis , men know
we are a simplified, streamlined well oiled machine. What follows
are the basic rules every man knows (or should know). Most of these
rules have been taught from generation to generation through
observation. Occasionally these rules are verbally taught, although
man is a better visual learner than listener. The list that follows
is in no specific order. men have rules, not prioritized rules
(that's not simplified).
*Warning, this list does contain "the" rule.
If you are easily offended, do not continue.
Don't be a wuss. This lesson is normally
learned early on and in many cases, verbally instructed. Some
commonly referenced items are:
"there is no crying during ...". This is
used when there is a public display of emotion during a sporting
event or other competitive situation. This is normally used in the
early years of man-training. If you need to use this on someone over
seven, you have a problem on your hands (and probably will for a
long timeÖ you know what Iím talking about).
"walk it off". This is another popular
phrase used to minimize a moment of "wussness" during a physical
activity. Most popularly used for falling off bikes, collisions with
objects while running etc.
The walk-away. In some instances, it is
best to walk away from a situation where there is a display of
weakness. This allows for the person to gather themselves and for
you to pretend it didn't happen.
No sandals. This is not one of the older
rules, but it remains important nonetheless. Men donít wear sandals,
period. There are males who own or wear sandals, no men. There has
been an attempt in recent years to try and popularize sandals and
"sport" sandals. This marketing May work on women and effeminate
men, no-one else. As with all rules of man, there are no
Return all power equipment borrowed in
working order. This is an often joked about rule. This rule does not
carry with it the repercussions of the next rule. Power equipment is
purchased typically for two reasons: 1 so you can complete a
project/job you are working on and 2 so that you have something to
barter to your friends with. Half the reason for owning equipment is
so you have the ability to loan it out. Knowing this, there is a
small allowance for the freak ROO (Returned Out of Order). Make no
mistake about it, an abuser of the rule relinquishes any future
right to borrow.
Never mistreat another manís dog. Break
this rule, and know to expect serious consequences. There is a long
standing phrase regarding the act of being charitable that can
easily be adopted to this rule: What you give, you get back
Don't drink girl drinks. Universally
understood, yet occasionally broken during periods of relaxation. It
should be noted that even if your significant other hand delivers
one of these to you while relaxing on a topless Caribbean beach it
is your duty to drop, dump, spill,tip or otherwise get rid of it.
There is no reason (or allowance) for drinking girl drinksÖ end of
Don't ask someone to do something you
wouldn't. It should be recognized that this is also noted as a key
leadership quality. This may be why it is often stated that men are
natural leaders. Guys don't ask people to do things that they would
not do or attempt to do themselves. Wusses and jackasses do, men
Don't mess around with coworkers. Often
stated as "don't shit where you eat". Unfortunately this rule is
broken too frequently due to poor rationalization. Unless your life
has reached a boredom level of critical mass, there is no reason to
even consider this. If you have a significant other,